Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Cutting More Apron Strings

The other night Dave Letterman said, "Mother's Day is the busiest day for long distance calls. Everybody calls their mom on Mother's Day. It's nice. But it makes you wonder...why did all these people move so far away from their moms?"

There's a hole in my heart that I can't get too close to, because I'm afraid I'll fall in. I have to walk all around it; if I really looked inside, I'd see a loneliness I don't want to face. I miss my kids.

Having them move is literally heartbreaking. Pieces of my heart have been broken off and taken to far-away places. But I have to keep my distance from those emotions. Instead, I admire the courage and spunk it takes to follow a dream wherever it goes, and I actually envy the opportunities they have to expand their horizons. I'm proud that my kids are making positive contributions in their communities, here or there.

My great-grandma in Sweden said good-bye to her two sons when they were 19 and 17 years old. They came to America and she never saw them or spoke to them again. Letters that took weeks to arrive were their only communication.

The world is so much smaller now. Airplanes, telephones, blogs, and cameras keep me in close touch, even hundreds of miles away. I know I'm lucky. But I glanced into the hole in my heart, and tonight I'm feeling sad.

17 comments:

Christie said...

I would never have guessed - you've always been the biggest cheerleader when life changes have taken some of us away. And you know what? We miss you, too.

gab said...

I agree...we have to tiptoe around it or we would be crying every single day. It's nice to know we're missed.

Melissa Walker said...

Being a kids who's the only one far away, it's easy to feel forgotten. I love that while you're supportive and encouraging of their own lives, you also make sure they know that they're missed!

Hannah said...

I can imagine it will be hard when my kids move...and that is still many many years away. (I hear it come faster than we think...) I live far away from my mom and miss her terribly.

Lindsey said...

Oma, take it from a girl who moved away from her momma 8 years ago.... you are EQUALLY missed. I miss my mom so much, but, in the pursuit of happiness and family, we look past it and try to be strong. I would LOVE to live by my mom... I think about her everyday, and I am sure your kids think about you too.

Tina said...

How very sweet. My kids are still little but I do not look forward to the day that they leave me. Although it isn't really "leaving me" it will feel like it. Hugs to you. Even though my mom lives close by, my sister lives far away and I miss her everyday. And some days I can't really tiptoe around it, I jump in it and have a good cry. Thanks for your very sensitive post. You are amazing.

Ashlee said...

It's ok to miss loved ones. It's because you love that you miss. :0) What I always loved about living far away from family was the great parties we had when we would come to visit. Everyone together ALL the time. Concentrated love is how I like to think of it. :0)

Bridget said...

Our closest family member is in Nampa Idaho which is a 7 hour drive. Way too far. I hear ya.

mama jo said...

i totally understand, since i was the one that moved away...i would cry when i called and you were altogether at mom's house...and now, i just wish that my kids were closer...but, i guess you look at the bright side..we have phones, internet, computers...all those great things to stay in touch..

Nancy said...

Marty,

How well I know how you feel. We too have kids scattered all over the country.

Our only daughter is 1,000 miles away in Chicago and we see her only 2 or 3 times a year. Our sons are closer.PA,NJ,CT. We see them much more often and that is a blessing.

It is now in the next generation. We have 8 grandchildren and only one of them is a girl. She is so much fun to be around. Pretty, smart,kind. Then she went away to seek her own future. She had always wanted to go to BYU so with her parents encouragement, she went from PA. to Utah. Naturally, she met her husband there. A fine fellow we all love and admire.

They seem to be settled now so we have no idea whether they will ever come home. Perhaps they think they ARE home.

My own Mother left Missouri in 19l7 and never returned. She saw her Mother only 2 or 3 times in all the years they lived.

So, children leaving home is nothing new, but it hurts just as much. It's new to you. But, as you said, we are lucky to have telephones, Email, Blogs,and air travel. They all make the separations just a little more bearable.

And the friends that we meet like this help to make our days a little bit better....a lot better!

Polly said...

I love and understand this post. Getting pictures of the 4 little baseball players is great...but not quite as good as going to their games...by the way, we are flying out June 1 to see them play. The dad too. Can't wait!

SydneyMin said...

What a beautiful and accurate post! I was the last of my mom's 5 kids to move out of state, so now she has become a Traveling Lady as well! The relationship is different than when I lived down the street, but maybe it is even more precious to me. I realize with gratitude what I was lucky enough to have for so long. Don't they say that it's a blessing to have had something to miss in the first place?

Sheri said...

Marty, I know it is fruitless to say "You're so lucky" to a person who is sad. . .but you ARE VERY LUCKY. My adult kids still live at home, both have anxiety and depression. I am very sad 24/7, 365days a year. Oh, how I wish they could be "Normal", move on, have adventures, have spouses and children of their own!! There are different types of holes in our hearts.

kenju said...

Just before I opened your post, I was talking to my son. After reading your words, all I could think of was how I would feel if I knew I was never going to see my son again - letters or not. I would have a hole in my heart the size of America. Your poor grandma. How did she do it?

MissKris said...

I am blessed to have both of mine nearby, including one that moved back in with us, ha! But she's talking of leaving as soon as she can afford it again. I don't think she'll wander too far from the nest this time, either.

marta said...

thanks for the support oma. we're gonna miss you guys so much!!! thanks for always supporting us and being excited for our adventures. we couldn't do it without you believing in us!

diane said...

I'm beginning to feel this as my chicks fly the coop. I'm so happy for them as they go off to explore the world...I just miss them!