Friday, January 26, 2007
Worth the Risk
One day Josh decided to cover the shower drain and fill up the bathroom to make a swimming pool, which I didn't discover until water was leaking under the door. And who can forget the razor incident when Heidi shaved off her little brother's eyebrow? Or the day Amy backed up the truck and hit Dee as he was pulling in the driveway, wrecking 2 cars at once? There were times of heartbreak, like the day Gabi was asked to give up the lead in the Road Show because there was a bratty girl demanding the part and the director was a wimp. And the day 11-year-old Marta sobbed, "Nobody respects my opinion!" (Everybody does now.)
I remember that I felt like a revolving door. I was spinning 'round and 'round, while everyone ran in and out to live their lives. I sometimes wondered if I had a life of my own, or even if I was a person anymore. I gave myself so completely it didn't feel like I had any of me left. It was overwhelming in every way.
Now that I'm an inactive mother I realize the truth of the scripture in Matthew that says "He that loseth his life shall find it."
While I was focusing on my kids I actually became myself. They were really teaching me. I look back at the experience and understanding I gained, and know I could not have designed an education or career that would have provided me such intense personal growth. It almost seems selfish now, considering how I benefitted.
As I observe the active mothers around me I am in awe of them. I can't believe I did it. But I rejoice every day that I did.