Tuesday, November 6, 2007

They're Coming to Take It Away!

Since I was ten years old I have had a jar of Mentholatum next to my bed. I rub some in my nose every night; I don't even remember why. I just need to...so I won't get stuffy, I guess. Besides, it's an aromatic comfort smell.

In the newspaper today I read that Vaseline, Vick's Vapo-Rub and Mentholatum should never be placed inside your nose because it can cause some rare kind of pneumonia if you inhale it into your lungs. (You know, I can actually feel it clogging up my lobes and latching onto my bronchi's as I type! I'd just never noticed it before.)

I guess I'm at risk of dying. I've been so irresponsible! First it was gnawing on my #2 lead pencil, and now this! I belong in a home for the unfit.

But now what? Do I stop using it just because I read the article? What if I hadn't read the article? I'd be happily mentholating right now, breathing free and clear. And besides, I've been at risk of dying ever since I was born. It's just grease, people! It's not like I'm an alcoholic or a heroin addict. Come on! Let me have an aroma fix!

What do you do when you find out that your life style may kill you? Do you gratefully change your ways as you comply with the FDA, FEMA and the seat belt law, or do you say, "Eat, drink and mentholate, for tomorrow we may die, and I want to breathe in life to the fullest!"

I've come to a decision: I'M GOING FOR IT!! I lived through the honey on the pacifier scare, I made it through the poisonous Tylenol episode, I slept on my stomach and escaped crib death, I sometimes lied and swam before my 1/2 hour was up. It seems I'm lucky at these turns in scientific discoveries.

If you're a little wiser than I, and have chucked all the Chinese toys, asbestos and Vicks throughout your house, you're welcome to drop over to my house about 10 pm and sit close enough to get a whiff. Just relax into it. You don't have to get all stuffy about it.


MissKris said...

Oh, I LOVED this. Mentholatum was my comfort salve all thru my childhood when I'd get bad bouts of bronchitis and my mom would swab it all over my chest before I'd go to sleep. I, too, can NOT go to bed without some of it or any other analgesic rub dabbed under my nose...how funny we share this similarity, Marty, ha! Oh well...after around 53 years of having it around I guess I'll take my chances on pneumonia. I mean, how crazy are we going to get about all these things that are SUPPOSEDLY bad for us?!? I've never had pneumonia in my life. I never died from eating a small dab of raw hamburger that I'd swipe when I was a kid, either. Whatever. Makes you wonder if these labs or research facilities just sit around trying to think up other things to scare us with, doesn't it?

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

I'll be there with my cancer-causing, sweeter-laden diet coke. Will you bring the diabetes-causing cookies and/or donuts?

Bev said...

and I wonder what they will have to say about actually SWALLOWING the stuff (we used to do this when we were kids).

Nope, I'm keeping my Mentholatum (its right there on my night table to be used EVERY night)!

And after 56 years of this, couldn't they just leave me alone to this one little "addiction" -- after all, tomorrow I might get run over by a truck -- who knows

I have, however, made the "no lead" pledge -- we won't be buying any toys made in China this year -- but I'm making a lot of things by hand instead!

Polly said...

don't put it in your nose if you have oxygen near by, you will blow up!

mama jo said...

since i can't smell, that's one disaster that i've missed...but, you forgot swallowing gum, sitting too close to the tv, and now the kids can't take cold medicines...

gab said...

I also keep my Mentholatum right beside my bed. It is good on those nights when you need to be "left alone"...just slather it all over and you're in for a good night's sleep.

I just got an email today from a friend who said you should rub Vicks on your kids' feet to keep them from coughing. I will forward. It is clearly a timely topic.

kenju said...

You can put it under your nose, just not in it. I use Vicks for this, and I have been doing it for years, but it is true that placing it IN your nose can cause aspiration pneumonia.

Vicks IS good for coughing, if you rub it on the soles of your feet before bed, and sleep in socks.

Granny Annie said...

The greatest danger we face is the worry that causes stress when we can't consume anything without pondering the warnings. Oh for the good old days.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Did you ever read the book "The Lovely Bones"? In it, people who are in heaven each get to choose what their heaven smells like.

Mine would smell like Vick's Vapo-Rub.