Tell Me the Truth

Photo by Bernard Mendoza

So how come there's no maturation program when you're turning 60?

Remember the one in 5th grade? My mom came to school and we all got little "gifts" of feminine products, after we squirmed through the drawings and technical descriptions of what was happening to us. Later, I secretly read my booklet to the point of memorization.

circa 1959

Now I was ten. I was reassured to find that the strange changes in my body were perfectly normal. I wasn't the only one wondering about my development. My mom had poured over Dr. Spock from the day I was born to determine when I'd need solids, roll over and cut a tooth.

Baby and Child Care
"An authoritative, illustrated, common sense guide . . . from birth to adolescence."

What to Expect

It's comforting to know what to expect. This book calls itself "the pregnancy guide that reassuringly answers the concerns of mothers-and fathers-to-be, from the planning stage through postpartum." Dee and I went to the hospital for birthing classes when we were new to this stage of life. They walked us through the labor room, the delivery room, taught Dee how to put on his little green outfit, and even showed us a movie so we'd be prepared for the big event. Knowing what's coming takes some of the fear out of it.

I've relied on books for training in what's up next. So I googled Middle Age.

and
Middle Aged Women

These are what came up!

It's really old-fashioned to get old, I've discovered. With all the treatments, nips, tucks, waxes and enhancements women can get, it's hard to tell if what's happening to me is normal. Do other women get whiskers? What about skin tags and red spots? When changes happened before in my life they were exciting, or at least interesting. Now I get the impression I should be embarrassed or ashamed.

The introduction of this book says, "Aging sucks. As my generation of women hits forty, fifty, sixty, we are discovering icky things such as age spots, crow's feet, gray hair, chin hair, saggy boobs, spider veins—need I go on? The question is, What are we going to do about it? We're going to fight it! We are going to fight aging." This sounds like if we start looking older, we must be doing something wrong. That's not true!

Magazines and commercials give the impression that if we eat salmon and do yoga we can avoid the health problems that come with age. That is guilt producing and naive. And it's not true. It's wise to eat, sleep, exercise and see the doctor regularly, but I think it's important to remember that mammograms and pap smears don't prevent cancer; they detect it. People don't get old because they're irresponsible, or because they let themselves go. Aging is inevitable. We either die young or we get old.

My mom was in great shape, healthy, fit and trim, but she died at 72. She was way too young. On the other hand, my grandma ate well and was fit and trim, too, but she had cancer, arthritis, diabetes, glaucoma and a stroke before she died at 93. She felt way too old. Bad things happen to good people. Our bodies get older whether we want them to or not. All those folks we label as elderly were once our age, and they didn't plan to get old, either.

I'd like these ladies to invite me to lunch and tell it like it is.
I'd ask:

1. Is it normal to need a full day to recover after a few hours with the grandkids?
   
2. Has your voice gotten lower?
   
3. Do your hands throb whenever it's going to rain (or after it rains, or several weeks before it might rain?)
4. Are you always too hot?
5. Do your knees still work properly?

Now that I'm turning 60, I just want to know what to expect.
I'm old enough. I can handle the truth.

"When you're through changing, you're through."
No matter your age, what changes are surprising to you?
(Tell the truth.)