The Story Of My Week

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things,
but most of the things they make it easier to do,
don't need to be done."
---Andy Rooney

Perfect Weekend: We Hit the Books!

Friday 10:00 AM
Marty and Dee enter
Tattered Cover Book Store
LoDo, CO.

There's a welcoming feel there, like you're coming back to a lodge after a day on the slopes.
Cushy chairs scattered on both floors; couches decked with pillows in each room, oak tables and desks hidden in nooks, surrounded by mismatched wooden chairs. The hardwood floors are covered with colorful ethnic rugs.

One task that morning was to search for examples of cover designs depicting a western or cowboy theme. Looking for inspiration is half the fun of a great bookstore. We sifted through pages, noting fonts, dropped caps, title pages, different layouts for appendixes, and how comfortable a book felt in our hands.

It's the final step before finishing a Heritage Associates book. After dreaming up an idea; researching it for months; writing, re-writing, inserting and blending; then editing and rewriting it again; we start the process of photographing; illustrating; and collecting images.

Marta marries the text to the images, with incredible graphic arts skills; scanning, experimenting with fonts, designing chapter layouts, spacing the images and connecting them to the text. Captions are added, paper weight chosen. Pete prints the prototype for binding.

With the finished book in hand, a design for the cover, and leather for the binding are finalized. Hand-made marbleized end papers are chosen for the presentation copies. The book makes the exciting trip to the bindery, where it will become a real book at last. This is our art, and good bookstores hold inspiration for us. We filled notebooks with thoughts and motivating ideas.

"I like being around books. It makes me feel civilized.
The only way to do all the things you'd like to do is to read."
---Tom Clancy

"The great gift is the passion for reading.
It is cheap, it consoles, it distracts, it excites.
It gives you knowledge of the world and experience of a wide kind.
It is a moral illumination."
---Elizabeth Hardwick

We set up a station on the first floor, with a lovely table in the middle of things, close to the cafe for bagels and hot chocolate. Alternating, to reserve our spot, we explored, returning with piles of books from the children's section, the travel section, the photography section, the reference section, the map section.

It was heaven. We stayed all day. At 6:00 we walked next door to a great place, Dixon's,
and ate Prime Rib Sandwiches, Nutty Cheese Salad (with avocados and bananas...the best!)
and Chocolate Croissant Bread Pudding with Vanilla Sauce for dessert.

"When I get a little money I buy books;
and if any is left, I buy food and clothes."
---Erasmus

Bright and early the next morning we were back at our post. This time we set up on the 2nd floor, with all new shelves to peruse. History books, biographies, how-to-write books, poetry, architecture in Eastern Europe . . . we were drowning in knowledge.

"It's in books that most of us learn how splendidly worth while life is . . .
---Christopher Morley

We couldn't leave without a bag full of treasures; we collected our favorites and packed them in.

We paid the tuition for our weekend seminar, and took home the texts.

"Books are wonderful things: to sit alone in a room and laugh and cry,

because you are reading, and still be safe when you close the book;
and having finished it, discover you are changed, yet unchanged!"
---Fay Weldon

Back to reality after a weekend at our favorite resort--
The Tattered Cover!

"A book--a well-composed book--
is a magic carpet on which we are wafted to a world that we cannot enter
any other way."
---Caroline Gordon

If I could pick anywhere to spend a day it would be a beautiful old library or The Tattered Cover Book Store in LoDo, Denver, Colorado. I feel cozy, loved, inspired, creative, and pretty dang smart.

Where would you be??

Grandchildren (The reward for not killing our kids.)

This is the group of Heroes who have saved the day for us . . .all week long.

There was Kidspeak that made me smile. Playing Scattergories, the catagory was "Things to save up for" and the letter was "F."
Lauren (9) said: Foothair removal.

The category was "Things to be afraid of" and the letter was "N."
Lauren said: Newspaper reporters.
Katy (11): Lauren, who's afraid of newspaper reporters?
Lauren: Well, that would be . . . Me!

Emptying the dishwasher I said I needed help because I didn't "know this place."
"Will(6) said: Well, I know this place like a pig knows it's muck."

Everyone was starving at 7 am, 10 am, again at 11:30 am, and they were visibly wilting in front of me with thirst and starvation at 3:30 pm, after a trip to the kids museum. "Can we stop at McDonalds?" they whimpered in true famished form. Luckily for me, we passed a Diner with decent hamburgers and malts, and I quickly parked the car before they withered on the floor.

Starvation is a fickle thing. One limpid pickle can inspire: "I ate my pickle. I'm not hungry anymore. I'm done." Their energy level soared after just a sip of malt. They were finished before I had even asked for the ketchup! But they politely waited for me to inhale my meal . . . "Oma's swallowing fast, Will . . . Relax . . . .Jake . . . quit dropping the crayons . . . We'll be going soon . . . Just wait by the door." Apparently we weren't there for the dining experience.

Home an hour later, it was time for "bedtime snacks." The cocoa and cinnamon toast had become the stuff of legends; we'd swooned over the thought since my first promise the night before.

"Is it true we just get cocoa and cinnamon toast and nothing healthy?" Will asked in rapture. Katy suggested in her mother's voice, "Maybe we should have apple slices and carrots, too." That was solidly voted down. I explained it was a snack, and we didn't need to cover the food groups. Having been a kid (until her mom left her in the care of an obviously irresponsible Oma,)it was easy for her to slip back into the role and sup on mere sugar and chocolate. It reminded me of the saying, "Oma is just like mom, with more frosting."

It's a delight to hang out with people who adore you. Every adult, abused by responsibility, worry, expectations, and invisibility needs a grandchild.

Ruth Goode said, "The best thing about grandchildren is that they accept us, for ourselves, without rebuke or effort to change us. No one in our entire lives has been so loving: not our parents, siblings, spouses, friends,and especially not our own grown children." They say genes skip a generation. Maybe that's why we find our grandkids so absolutely adorable! They take after us!

So, good-bye to our CO Heroes. You've risen to the challenge of caring for the Opi's. We'll have some cocoa and toast in your honor tonight!


My challenge to you my readers: Think of a kid you love, (or a grandparent if you are a kid,) talk directly to them and tell them a couple of their great qualities (this could be a phone call) for no reason. Just be a voice of encouragement. Don't sit around and wait for it to happen to you. This is an assignment for you to do. It will make your day! (Another of my guarantees.)

Planning a European Itinerary

Planning Page, European Scrapbook, 1994

Rick Steves, the Fodors, Arthur Frommer and Steve Birnbaum: these travel writers were the special guests at our trip planning Family Night. Dee and I and the four kids each had a different book on Europe, with the assignment to speed read for fifteen minutes and come up with personal answers to the question: What do you want to have happen on our trip to Europe? When the timer went off, the responses were written down.

Our overall goals were defined as: Develop greater Family Unity. Get acquainted with where our family began. Have an introduction to various European delights.

Each person had some specific requests:

1. Castles
2. Alpine Scenery
3. Lakes, boats
4. Cathedrals
5. Ancient Cities
6. Big Cities
7. Different Foods
8. Bicycle Ride
9. Salt Mine Tour
10. Concentration Camp
11. Art Museums
12. Eiffel Tower
13. Windmills
14. Salzburg Memories
15. Unique architecture
16. Various modes of transportation
17. Ride the Metro
18. Funicular
19. Anne Frank House

The next activity was for each of us to look in the index of our book and find spots that met these descriptions. In another fifteen minutes we had a list of places from Spain to Norway. The final exercise was to pinpoint the locations on a map of Europe, and see how they could be connected logically.

Art museums were plentiful; the Eiffel Tower was in Paris. Unique architecture was everywhere; the Anne Frank House was in Amsterdam. Those two cities met other criteria, too: the Metro, windmills, fabulous art museums, unique architecture and a famous cathedral. Both of them were big, cosmopolitan cities, and because they were only a few hours apart, yet vastly different in character, they were agreed upon quickly as musts.

At the next planning session, we followed the same procedure, and narrowed our other choices down to London, Switzerland, Germany, Austria, Italy and Hungary. Our transportation needs, plus one of the goals, could be met if we traveled by train. A little research showed that Eurail passes were the best option, but they didn't cover tickets in England, Hungary, or parts of Switzerland.

Looking at a calendar, we counted our days and estimated the time we wanted to spend in our selected countries. Our itinerary was impossible to do in three weeks. When we started to cut it down, the places that would cost extra got eliminated first: London, Budapest, and Switzerland. Wait...we really wanted to go to Switzerland! It was decided that it was too important to cut, and worth the extra fare, so we added it back in.

The trip was starting to fall into place. When we checked airfares we found Amsterdam to be the cheapest place to fly in and out of. Perfect! But it would take a couple of precious days to get back to Holland at the end of the trip. If we flew home from Munich the cost would be a little more, but we wouldn't have to backtrack. We made that adjustment. Now we had a flight plan to work around.

It was exciting to mark up our maps and discover the routes that would work. (In the end we had extended ourselves too far. While we were traveling we decided to save Italy for another time, and enjoy the ideal weather and cheap hotel we discovered during an unplanned train stop in Feldkirch, Austria. More on flexibility in another post.)

Van Gogh and Anne Frank were topics at the dinner table. Memorizing foreign phrases became a contest. Knowing where we were going, and why, and who it was important to, made saving our money easier. As we had to make decisions of places to add or subtract we became more cooperative. The whole process nourished our enthusiasm.

What we wanted to have happen was already happening!

Planning Your Trip to Europe

European Scrapbook 1994

"Keep him talking," was the whispered advice in our German class. Everybody knew that Herr Bruderer would forget to give the promised test if we asked a question about his beloved Bavaria, and just let him ramble. When he put his feet on his desk, leaned back with his arms behind his bald head and started reminiscing we all relaxed. Grammar and word order issues were set aside in favor of culture and history. But we played right into his hands. It was on those days that we learned the most.

Sitting in Herr Bruderer's class as a sophomore in high school, I set a goal to go on a semester abroad to Austria. I caught his enthusiasm and love for a different land and I wanted to experience it for myself. Although I wasn't sure what it was, I recognized it when I got there.

It is a feel, an aura: cobblestone paths, unsalted butter, the smell of cheese in tiny shops, buildings built before Columbus sailed, restaurants that have been owned by the same family for hundreds of years. These details create the ambiance I pine for.

Colorful curtains, leaded glass window hangings, folklorish fabric on carved wooden chairs, flouncy light fixtures in cafes, embellished gables on houses still occupied centuries after they were constructed, bouquets of dripping umbrellas stashed in a corner stand, fur-trimmed baby buggies: this is European art in it's natural setting.

Europe tugs at the heart in various ways. Peter likes hiking and skiing in the alps, Amy wanders the museums in Paris and Heidi applauds the theater in London. Scott dreams of the World Cup, Paul rode his bike through France, Jolyn shopped for rugs in Istanbul. There are numerous reasons for going to Europe. What are yours?

When I went as a student, I imagined Europe like Disneyland. You know--immaculate streets lined with quaint shops; restaurants serving foreign versions of my favorite American food; people with accents greeting me with enthusiasm; freshly painted trains zipping me from land to land, and dropping me off in the center of a welcoming town square.

Paris was my first stop and I was overwhelmed and disappointed. It was raining, cold, dirty, old, huge and frustrating. The Eiffel Tower was nowhere in sight, and the Notre Dame was dark and dingy. It smelled. I was bored by the long tour of Versailles, having no background on what I was viewing.

Our hotel room looked nothing like the Travelodge standard double I had stayed in with my family. I ordered the only thing I recognized on the menu: Steak with tartar sauce. Come to find out Steak Tartar is French for raw meat loaf made table side, and served with crackers. My friends and I weren't familiar with jet lag, and we were surprised to wake up at midnight. Naively we wandered the streets of Paris, pleased that so many handsome guys were vying for our attention!

Whenever I hear that someone is going to Europe for the first time, especially if they're traveling European style, passing on the Marriott hotels, I urge them to read Europe Thru the Back Door by Rick Steves. Culture shock is so much less shocking if you're prepared. France, Germany, Switzerland, England--these countries have huge cities and medieval towns, with cultures different from each other and different than ours. That's one reason we want to go: to experience different. Rick Steves gives great perspective.

So, you're almost ready to plan your trip. Whenever I start planning something, from a party, to an important conversation, to reorganizing my desk, I ask myself: What do I want to have happen? After a little thought the answers start coming. In the case of a European tour, here are some ideas: I want to see Pompeii; I want to see the Sistine Chapel; I want to see what everyone is so excited about.

If you're anxious to get an overview of lots of places, start thinking how to alternate big cities, countryside, and small villages. Get a map. Decide how long you'll be gone. Be realistic in planning your schedule. For every week you'll be traveling, factor in a couple of days of downtime. You'll want to do your laundry, balance your bank account and sleep in. A whirlwind of cathedrals, art museums, and souvenir shops, with a different hotel each night, makes even the most enthusiastic traveler dizzy. Relax and give yourself time to soak in the atmosphere at a sidewalk cafe, knowing you have a day to catch your breath.

Your assignment is to think about why you want to go to Europe and what you want to have happen. Remember a book or movie that kindled your interest in Denmark or Holland and think about what you want to experience. Just daydream. Planning a trip to Europe can be almost as fun as going on one!

We've Had a Ball!

We twirled and tangoed 'til our toes tingled.

It was a ball!

I'm a true TravelinOma this week, in charge of four of my faraway Heroes, while their parents take a well-earned break in Hawaii. We've celebrated some other heroes, Martin Luther King and Barack Obama, the last couple of days with a little playacting.

How did it feel to be a little black girl, marched into an all white school with police bodyguards? What was it like to be sent to the back of the bus? Was it humiliating to have to use a different bathroom than all the other folks? The kids can picture it a little better now, having acted these stories out yesterday. We ended the history lesson with lunch in the kitchen, where we re-enacted a lunch counter scene. When the waitress (Oma) wouldn't seat Katy (11) and Will (6) at the table, they staged a sit-in.

While I read some excerpts of the I Have a Dream speech, the kids each imagined ways they could make the world better; that was followed by a game of Charades until we had guessed everyone's dreams.

Luckily, by the time the kids came back to the lunch counter, Martin Luther King had influenced society for the better, and the waitress was able to seat everyone together for root beer floats. It was the ultimate combination of black and white!

Today the kids and I all watched the Inauguration. Their mom was an Obama campaign volunteer, so they felt the victory in a personal way. Each of us toasted our new president. Lauren (9) said, "Make history!" and Katy said, "Do your best." Jake (4) ended the round with a heartfelt, "I just love you, Barack Obama!"

Not wanting to miss out on a thing, we put on some music and had our own inaugural party. I explained what a ball was, and how the guests wore beautiful dresses, and fancy tuxedos. As the girls were pirouetting around the family room, the little boys disappeared. Soon they were back downstairs wearing their Sunday shirts over their pajamas. They were a little disappointed the rest of us weren't in formal attire!

There is nothing like a few grandkids to put a spring in my step. With the polka, the waltz and some vintage swing moves, we celebrated the big day. The kids whirled up to bed and I staggered to the couch, my heart racing with more than just excitement. Living history is a ball!

Family Goal: Europe!

Where my dreams take me...

On New Year's Eve, 1993 Dee and I sat in a restaurant day-dreaming about the New Year. "Let's go to Europe with the kids," I said recklessly. It was actually out of the question. We knew how much a trip would cost, and adding the expense of the four teenagers we still had at home made the numbers even crazier to contemplate. But, knowing it was just a whim, we played it out.

Pros: It had always been our dream to show our kids Salzburg; it would be our 25th anniversary; our older three kids had already left the nest and we knew how fast it would happen with the others; if we left it another year or so they might not be able to (or want to) go with us; we had tons of experience both planning trips and traveling in Europe, and we knew we'd be their best tour guides; it would be a family bonding experience. And, we wanted to go.

Con: Money. On a napkin we did the math. Ridiculous to even think about. But still...

The next day, January 1, 1994, we presented the idea to the kids. What if we set a family goal to save $1,000 a month for nine months? We could go to Europe in September for three weeks. Would it be worth it to them? The maps came out and and we sat around the table discussing it all morning. Our kids were 18, 15, 14 and 12. There were lots of concerns: going in September would be less expensive and we'd be likely to have nice weather, but they'd be in school. Could they miss that much? The oldest was in college--should she skip that semester? Jobs, projects, roommates, commitments... And how would we save enough money??

Obviously these kids had been raised by Dee and I. At noon we took a vote and it was unanimous: We would go for it. All aboard!

Europe '94 Scrapbook

Everyone agreed that we'd each contribute whatever we could. Of course an 18-year-old could earn more than a 12-year-old, but the actual amounts weren't relevant. "One for all and all forone" was the attitude. There would be sacrifices for everyone: we cut out music lessons, Little League, haircuts, Easter dresses, basketball shoes, restaurants--we made a long list. The next day we all went to the bank together and each of us opened special savings accounts for our trip funds.

Over the next few months we notified everyone about our goal and numerous opportunities to work rolled in. The kids babysat, mowed lawns, shoveled snow, chauffeured kids, cleaned houses and businesses and yards, hauled trees, helped people move, organized basements, weeded gardens...and all the earnings went into the bank.

Whenever we skipped a pizza or a movie we made a contribution to the account. But by July I realized we couldn't make it. We had fallen short. The nine months was actually only eight months (because we'd be gone the ninth,) and we'd had unexpected expenses during the summer. I was sick about it.

Out of the blue one day my dad called and said he had some miles on Delta he wanted to donate to our cause. They were enough to buy one and a half airfares, and Dee had just enough miles to combine for the second fare. The folks at Delta made it work. With that incentive, we redoubled our efforts.

Dee and I had purchased Eurail passes many times, so I knew approximately what they cost. I had forgotten that people under 26 got a cheaper rate. I also found a family saver pass that was cheaper still, if we all were traveling together the whole time. Suddenly we were in better shape than I'd thought.

We made some adjustments to our itinerary so we could cut some expenses by using our train passes to capacity. Knowing there were so many awesome places the train pass would take us, we eliminated any countries and regions where they weren't accepted. Other changes involved staying in expensive cities (like Paris) for only two days, and staying an extra day in quaint villages (like Feldkirch, Austria) where the hotel rooms were half the price and twice the size. A little tweaking made a big difference and when we counted our money in August, we were ready to go.

Someone in the neighborhood asked if it was true that our son Peter had to pay to go on our family vacation. I guess it might have seemed that way to an onlooker. To us it was much more than a vacation. While the three-week trip was an incredible experience, the best part of it was setting a goal and working together to achieve it.

I'm convinced that it doesn't matter what you're trying to accomplish: finishing the basement, getting a new TV, buying a trampoline, or going back to school. With the support of a family, you can do it. Sit down together and make some plans. Let everyone contribute ideas, and then let everyone contribute over a period of time by working towards it--don't just provide it. I guarantee this strategy will strengthen your family and create awesome memories. Let 2009 be the year for it!

Looking Ahead:

I've been asked several times recently how to plan a trip to Europe. Another person wondered what we do there. Someone else wanted a list of budget hotels. My next several blog posts will give TravelinOma's Travel Tips. (I see life lessons in everything, so I think they will be good tips even if you're not planning a trip to Europe soon.

Bike Lesson

Illustration by Norman Rockwell

At first people refuse to believe that a new thing can be done.
Then they begin to hope it can be done.
Then they see it can be done--
And then it is done.

What new thing are you doing right now?

Bohemian Omas

Wood Carvings from Krakow, Poland

I've got a few Polish, Czech and Austrian grandmothers
looking down on me with great anticipation.
After all, I'm telling their stories.

Archival Birth Register, Colmar

Dee is deep into researching and writing the history of a family with roots in the Austro-Hungarian Empire. He's got Napoleon marching, an archduke assassinated, Nazis invading; economic upheaval and political intrigues. It's awesome stuff.

I'm in charge of the personal details. Who the people were inside their homes; what they worried about; how they lived day-to-day; why the babies all died, and how come there were several Stephanies in one family. And why a 20 year old girl would marry her 54 year-old uncle! You know, the real stories.

Details in the archives

My commuter is humming, printing out particulars on embroidery patterns of Polish folk costumes; Slovakian wooden church architecture; Advent, May Day, All Soul's Day, St. Barbara's Day, and the Dozynki Festival. I'm reading about 18th century recipes, and 17th century diseases, wax-painted Easter eggs, how to plant peas and how to brew ale. I'm enthralled by the trivial details of ordinary lives.

Battles, kingdoms and governments are important as the setting where the story takes place; the individual people are the characters. With interviews, scrapbooks, letters and memories that Dee has arranged and organized, our collaboration will produce the published history. Every time the process is overwhelming and thrilling.

Diane Setterfield wrote:

"People disappear when they die. Their voice, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living memory of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some, there is an exception to this annihilation. For in books they continue to exist. We can rediscover them...

"As one tends the graves of the dead, so I read the books...I allow the voices of the forgotten dead to resonate inside my head. Do they sense it? Does a pinprick of light appear...is their soul stirred by the feather touch of another mind reading about them? I do hope so."

---from The Thirteenth Tale

I love thinking of these Bohemian Omas, stretching back, back, back through the ages, yet all looking at their progeny with interest and concern, anxious to share experiences and insights. I'm so glad people have recorded memories of themselves or their ancestors to shed light on long-ago lives.

Cambridge, England

TravelinOma goal: Build a bridge between past and future generations.

Making My Plans

Pete in Park City, 1983

"The question is not can you make a difference?
You already do make a difference.
It's just a matter of what kind of difference you want to make."

---Julia Butterfly Hill

Swingin with the Sistas

Min in doll coat, Fort Douglas, 1984

♫ Sistas,
Sistas,
There were never
such devoted sistas...♫

Amerheed @ 1986

♫ Caring
Sharing...

Every little thing
that they were wearing...♫

Heed and Min sick for Christmas Eve 1986

♫ All kinds of weather

They stick together
The same in the rain or sun ♫

Easter 1988

♫ A little diff'rent faces
But in tight places
They think and they act as one.♬

Min and Gab 2006

♬ Those who've

Seen us
Know that not a thing
could come between us, ♫

Oma at the sista sleepover 2009

♫ Oh help the sista
Who doesn't think I'm one of the sistas, ♬
♫ And cheer for the sistas
Who treat me like I'm just one of them! ♫

I was invited to the Sista Sleepover.
As the mom, I felt totally honored.

We started with hot French bread straight from Heed's oven, went on to Rib City where we sucked the marrow out of the bones, came back for Amy's blond chocolate chippers, Min's muddy-buddies, sparkling cider, and non-stop chatter. We didn't come anywhere close to saying all we had to say. A little after midnight Heed taught us the:

iPod Game.

Everyone puts their iPod, or shuffle or whatever into the middle. You keep your own earphones.
Then you all play a short round of a card game--we played golf. The loser of the hand has to pick someone else's iPod, plug in the earphones, and fast-forward until they hit a song they know. Then they sing along.

Ame's the Dame

The singer hears the music blasting in her ears, forgets that it's silent outside her head, and starts swaying and snapping to the beat. Eyes closed, head thrown back, the performer mumbles a bunch of unintelligible words to a strange hybrid tune, picturing that she's Celine Dion, (or Cheryl Crow, or all of the Dixie Chicks...maybe singing backup to ABBA)

She can't hear you laughing, and the act goes on just long enough to prove she's as loopy as you've always suspected. Then you tap her on the shoulder, bring her out of her reverie and repeat the activity until everyone is properly humiliated.

(This is Gab at last year's Sista Sleepover)

It's a great way to get your heart rate up, just before you move on to the hot chocolate with whipping cream, and the kind of heart-to-heart discussions sistas start at 2:am.

At 5:am, Min's baby woke up for the day, and the rest of us left his new mom to enjoy morning friends while we got in a few winks before Heidi woke us. She served up a bed and breakfast style spread, with baked French toast and berries (similar to bread pudding) accompanied by baked sausage and bacon sprinkled in brown sugar.

Then Heidi gave us little favors, and there were hugs and promises for future fun. It was a huge dose of love and laughter, mixed with therapy, the performing arts, games and food. Better than a day at the spa: I'm restored, revitalized, refreshed and reminded that I can't resist the sistas!


What do you do for a girl's night out? Or a guy's night out? What do you talk about? Do you play games? Share.

*Travel Studies: Family Vacation to Europe

Where my dreams take me . . .

(Edit. This is in my Europe Category. Change photos or refer to it being an old post.)

On New Year's Eve, 1993 Dee and I sat in a restaurant day-dreaming about the New Year. "Let's go to Europe with the kids," I said recklessly. It was actually out of the question. We knew how much a trip would cost, and adding the expense of the four teenagers we still had at home made the numbers even crazier to contemplate. But, knowing it was just a whim, we played it out.

Pros: It had always been our dream to show our kids Salzburg; it would be our 25th anniversary; our older three kids had already left the nest and we knew how fast it would happen with the others; if we left it another year or so they might not be able to (or want to) go with us; we had tons of experience both planning trips and traveling in Europe, and we knew we'd be their best tour guides; it would be a family bonding experience. And, we wanted to go.

Con: Money. On a napkin we did the math. Ridiculous to even think about. But still...

The next day, January 1, 1994, we presented the idea to the kids. What if we set a family goal to save $1,000 a month for nine months? We could go to Europe in September for three weeks. Would it be worth it to them? The maps came out and and we sat around the table discussing it all morning. Our kids were 18, 15, 14 and 12. There were lots of concerns: going in September would be less expensive and we'd be likely to have nice weather, but they'd be in school. Could they miss that much? The oldest was in college--should she skip that semester? Jobs, projects, roommates, commitments... And how would we save enough money??

Obviously these kids had been raised by Dee and I. At noon we took a vote and it was unanimous: We would go for it. All aboard!

Europe '94 Scrapbook

Everyone agreed that we'd each contribute whatever we could. Of course an 18-year-old could earn more than a 12-year-old, but the actual amounts weren't relevant. "One for all and all forone" was the attitude. There would be sacrifices for everyone: we cut out music lessons, Little League, haircuts, Easter dresses, basketball shoes, restaurants--we made a long list. The next day we all went to the bank together and each of us opened special savings accounts for our trip funds.

Over the next few months we notified everyone about our goal and numerous opportunities to work rolled in. The kids babysat, mowed lawns, shoveled snow, chauffeured kids, cleaned houses and businesses and yards, hauled trees, helped people move, organized basements, weeded gardens...and all the earnings went into the bank.

Whenever we skipped a pizza or a movie we made a contribution to the account. But by July I realized we couldn't make it. We had fallen short. The nine months was actually only eight months (because we'd be gone the ninth,) and we'd had unexpected expenses during the summer. I was sick about it.

Out of the blue one day my dad called and said he had some miles on Delta he wanted to donate to our cause. They were enough to buy one and a half airfares, and Dee had just enough miles to combine for the second fare. The folks at Delta made it work. With that incentive, we redoubled our efforts.

Dee and I had purchased Eurail passes many times, so I knew approximately what they cost. I had forgotten that people under 26 got a cheaper rate. I also found a family saver pass that was cheaper still, if we all were traveling together the whole time. Suddenly we were in better shape than I'd thought.

We made some adjustments to our itinerary so we could cut some expenses by using our train passes to capacity. Knowing there were so many awesome places the train pass would take us, we eliminated any countries and regions where they weren't accepted. Other changes involved staying in expensive cities (like Paris) for only two days, and staying an extra day in quaint villages (like Feldkirch, Austria) where the hotel rooms were half the price and twice the size. A little tweaking made a big difference and when we counted our money in August, we were ready to go.

Someone in the neighborhood asked if it was true that our son Peter had to pay to go on our family vacation. I guess it might have seemed that way to an onlooker. To us it was much more than a vacation. While the three-week trip was an incredible experience, the best part of it was setting a goal and working together to achieve it.

I'm convinced that it doesn't matter what you're trying to accomplish: finishing the basement, getting a new TV, buying a trampoline, or going back to school. With the support of a family, you can do it. Sit down together and make some plans. Let everyone contribute ideas, and then let everyone contribute over a period of time by working towards it--don't just provide it. I guarantee this strategy will strengthen your family and create awesome memories. Let this be the year for it!

Optimism: My Point of View

Me and my dad, 1951

Dear TravelinOma,
Can you learn to be optimistic?
Or do you inherit it?
From,
Gloomy Gus

Positively!

I both learned and inherited this quality from my dad. He was consistently optimistic and hopeful, and he looked for the good in me. I always felt like I was smart, talented and unique because he told me I was. His faith in my abilities kept my self-esteem healthy, even though I had many reasons to doubt his opinion as I compared myself to others. Dad had a pep talk for every occasion and I learned them all by heart. By the time I was an adult, being hopeful was a natural part of my personality. It's a trait I've needed often.

Dee and I started out with nothing but hope. His enthusiasm for living was one of the qualities that attracted me immediately. A fun part of our relationship is that we buoy each other up by counting our blessings and reflecting on great memories. We learned early that one of us needed to be up if the other was down to maintain our balance, and we instinctively know when it's our turn. All seven of our kids are upbeat, cheerful and confident (most of the time) as well. It's part of our family's tradition to see the glass as 3/4 full and look for the good in every situation.

I was lucky to grow up in an atmosphere of optimism. My dad reminded me often that faith (in myself, and in God's willingness to help me,) would achieve miracles. He taught me that faith and fear cannot coexist, and that fear, doubt and worry were to be banished. Although he had his personal fears, they were overcome by his faith. He took risks, thrived on challenge, and lived positively.

The best part of this lesson is that my dad taught himself to be this way; early struggles haunted him. He grew up poor. His beloved older brother was always sick, and died at 18, and the strain sapped all the joy from his parents for years. One of dad's favorite stories was how excited he was the day the store repossessed all their furniture and the kids ice-skated in their socks through the empty rooms. But he always remembered how his mom sat on the porch steps and cried as her lovely possessions were carried away. Eventually they lost their home and actually lived in a tent (with 5 kids!) for a while during the depression, which was especially depressing.

Dad (in the glasses) and his brothers, about 1933.

Dad served in WWII and came home very sick. It took him three months in a hospital to recover. When he'd joined the army, he had neglected to officially drop out of the university. When he started school again after the war he had a whole semester of failed classes on his transcript. To qualify for Optometric school he had to get straight A's for a couple of years to raise his GPA to the required 3.0. Born with cataracts which impaired his vision most of his life, he decided life would be better if he started to view it through rose-colored glasses.

When I was about seven Dad almost died of pneumonia. Mom was busy preparing mustard plasters while he laid in bed for weeks worrying about our future. That's when he first read the book Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill. Knowing my dad, I'm sure he was thinking in literal terms when he saw the title. But the concepts he learned made him wealthy in another way that became my most treasured inheritance. He discovered the secret of positive thinking.

Everybody who knew my dad remembers him preaching this good news. Assimilating it into his character was the goal of his lifetime. He changed his attitude and it changed his world.

Dad, at his best!

So, Gloomy Gus:
It is absolutely possible to learn optimism.
It's possible to inherit it.
And from my viewpoint,
it is positively essential to have it.

Inspired Insights

From Miss Potter

"The reason for writing is to help others to better enjoy life, or to better endure it."
---Samuel Johnson

Anna's blog today gives an idea on how to enjoy life. Gabi's recent interview on life after loss gives counsel on how to endure it. Both posts spoke to my heart.

Wax Strong

Colonial woman dipping candles.

Into the hot wax; out of the hot wax. Into the hot wax; out of the hot wax. I watched as the woman dipped her candles. She held a dowel with ten pieces of string looped over it, and repeatedly lowered it into a vat of melted wax.

Wicks

The first time it looked like nothing stuck to the strings at all. Another dip, and they still looked clean. Patiently, the woman dunked them again, and again, and eventually I could see a film of wax building. Time after time the thin layers adhered to each other, and slowly the strings began to look like candles.

After countless dips.

I've watched other women engaged in an old-fashioned art that also involves patience and repetition. It is mothering. Time after time they dip their kids in character building experiences---say "Please," "Thank you," "I'm sorry;" share your toys; pick up your coat; mind your dad; love your brother; don't whine; feed the dog; say your prayers---over and over again the same admonitions. At first it seems nothing is sticking. The kids are still the same. But eventually they begin to wax strong.

A work of art!

Each experience a child has in character building is like one more dip of the candle.
It is repetitious, it can become wearisome.
But it's worth it.

Art by William Adolphe Bouguereau

"Be not weary in well doing,
for ye are laying the foundation of a great work.
For out of small things proceedeth that which is great."
---D&C 64:33

Carpe Diem

Art by Jane Dyer

"I dare you, while there is still time, to have a magnificent obsession."
--William Danforth

Choose a direction for life

Shrewsbury, England

We crossed the bridge and entered a warren of twisty roads, following a sign that pointed to the Centre. I glanced down at my notebook, and when I looked up I shouted, "There it is! Turn! Turn!" Dee was negotiating the right hand steering wheel, shifting with his left hand, but he still made the pivot into rush-hour traffic. I jumped out near The Lion Hotel to check our accommodations while Dee drove up the street to find parking. That's when he disappeared.

On the road with Oma and Opa.

After a sleepless overnight flight to London, we had decided to drive north to the Shropshire area where our research would start. We were unfamiliar with the drive, but we estimated it would take us about ninety minutes. Unfortunately, our navigator (me) had us exit the freeway too soon, and after a three hour detour on misty country roads, starving and with extremely frazzled nerves, we had reached the medieval town of Shrewsbury.

The list of hotels on the Internet was short, so had I assumed we were staying at one of the only hotels in the middle of a small village. But dozens of hotels and B and B's lined the maze of tangled streets that went off a ring road surrounding the city. Most of the streets were narrow with one-way traffic and I kept my eyes peeled for The Lion as Dee concentrated on avoiding cars, bicycles and pedestrians. I dashed across the street in the rain, while our car disappeared in the drizzle.

After I checked in, I wandered around the small lobby waiting for Dee. He didn't come. A driveway next to the hotel led to what I thought was a parking lot. But it turned out to be too narrow for a car, instead lined with trees and shrubs and garbage cans. Further exploration took me to an alley behind the hotel that connected the back entries of other shops and restaurants. When I came back in, the lady at the desk seemed puzzled when I asked if she'd noticed my husband. She said she'd thought I was alone.

Forty minutes passed, and then an hour. I was so hungry and worried, and exhausted that I could hardly think. Where could he have gone? Had he been in an accident? How would anyone know where to find me and tell me? Nobody in the world knew exactly where we were! What if he'd been kidnapped? Panic turned to near hysteria. I ran into the lobby bathroom and threw up. Again I asked at the desk and then went upstairs to see if he'd somehow found our room. Back in the lobby I paced for another thirty minutes, close to tears, my imagination taking me to horrible places.

And then Dee came through the door. Flooded with relief, I unaccountably yelled at him, "Where have you been?" He answered with equal exasperation, "I've been lost!"

As it turned out, there was not a place to park nearby, and the road continued through the center of town, with a labyrinth of confusing paths, taking him back to the ring road. Dee didn't have an address for the hotel or even a name; I had all the information with me. He couldn't remember where I had gotten out of the car, and he didn't recognize any street-signs or landmarks. How could he find his way? He didn't know where he was going!

The Lion, Shrewsbury, 2004.

I think lots of people are lost because they don't know where they're going. Life can be like Shrewsbury seemed to Dee: a maze of confusion, dead-ends and unfamiliar paths. Folks are weary, just searching for a direction.

After a lot of wrong turns, Dee finally felt a spark of inspiration. The answer to my frantic prayers came when he recognized the little driveway. It didn't go where either of us thought it would, but it brought him back to me.

I am so blessed to have direction in my life, and a destination I'm sure of. And I don't want anyone I love to get lost!

Blog Mission Statement 2009

I am a woman with influence, and I want my influence to be for good. I will bear testimony of Gospel Truths to guide, teach, encourage and support others. My blog will be a legacy and memoir of significant experiences, told with humor and hope. I will not cast my pearls before swine, but I will let my light shine.

I will:
Encourage and support young mothers.
Be an advocate for strong, loving families.
Pray for the Spirit to accompany each post.
Pray for readers who need to read what I’m writing.
Write and update ten pillar posts for my sidebar to tell readers where to find more.
Discern beauty in the dailiness of living.
Exemplify a woman of God.
Reflect righteousness and articulateness.
Be distinctive and different in happy ways.
Lead others to Jesus Christ.