Oma Style

I think I may have to move. I was snoring in church. And I don't know how loud! Dee had to leave early to come home and check on our turkey. It's like his little pet, even though it's already dead. He has had so much fun since he picked her up yesterday, bathing her in salt brine, stuffing her with apples and onions, putting butter under her skin. He got up a couple of times during the night just to check on her! Anyway, he had to come home in case she needed something before she starts fake tanning in the oven, and I was sitting alone, in the middle of our bench.

During the sacrament I reverently closed my eyes and was abruptly awakened by a stranger holding the bread tray next to me. I could barely keep from laying right down on the cushions (we have cushions at the JSMB) until the sacrament was over. Then I closed my eyes. Suddenly I was falling! I jerked awake before I hit the bench in front of me, and realized the 2nd speaker was almost finished! I had slept soundly through the first speaker, and the choir number! I covered my quick snort and jerk with a cough, but then I noticed the 2nd counselor on the stand watching me, and laughing (hopefully at a joke I'd slept through). The worst part of it is, I often fall asleep, sitting up when I'm watching TV at night, yet I think I'm still awake, and Dee will suddenly say "Dear! You're snoring!" I can't even hear myself...it's like I go into a strange little elderly woman trance. So there is good reason to suspect I was making horrible sounds in church for 40 minutes or longer. There are no kids to cover up the silence. We do have a few oxygen tanks making a gentle hiss every few seconds in counterpoint to each other, and once in a while a coughing spasm will remind us we're in a room full of people, but I have no idea if I was lucky enough to be outclassed by that.

As I was walking home I thought of the high-heeled boots that I stylishly wore to make myself look cool. I saw the chandelier earrings swinging saucily in my shadow and noticed that the brisk fall temperature had allowed me to keep my well cut jacket on throughout the meetings without bringing a sweat to my brow. This could have been the day that I achieved my own personal style....except I snored all through church!