School of Thought: Be Real

Not Me.

It's freeing to let it all hang out. An advantage of turning sixty is that I've almost accepted myself. I'm not so embarrassed to be me.

When I was a little girl I was little. My friends wore sizes 8 or 10 and I was still in a 6X. The 6X dresses had puffy sleeves and sashes that tied in the back, and I remember Karen and Jill making fun of my baby dress. I also wore red and white checkered reading glasses in 2nd grade. I stood out. It was humiliating, and already I felt the sting of self-consciousness. When we were 11, the friends got training bras. I still looked like a 5-year-old boy, but Mom realized how miserable I was and got me one, too. I stuffed it with kleenex and looked lumpy and lopsided. I was doomed to geekdom.

Junior High was miserable. I was too shy to tell my teachers my nickname and so I was called by my very old-fashioned real name. There wasn't anything cool about me. In 9th grade I took up swearing, hoping it would earn me some respect among the popular crowd. Nobody noticed except my brother, who told my dad, who was not impressed.

It took me decades to get beyond the Jr. High mentality. I thought I had to be accepted by everybody else to be acceptable. The huge secret I discovered was that once I had accepted myself, I became acceptable.

Whether I'm called Ma'am, or Miss, Mom or Oma, I know who I am. My age and rank don't matter. I can develop at my own pace; I don't need kleenex, or fame or fortune to pad the reality. I can decide what words represent the real me and I don't need to parrot others to be "in." It's been freeing to let myself go, and find out where I'm going.

I wish I could find some red and white checkered reading glasses; I wouldn't mind standing out now. I still envy girls who wear a size 8 or 10. I'm not a 6X anymore but, of course, you can see that for yourself. I'm letting it all hang out!

How do you find the real you? I'm like an overstuffed, jumbled up scrapbook drawer, crammed with images, photos, memories and scribbled messages. Until I dump it all out somewhere, I can't see what's in there. As I sift through, random bits and pieces fit together and the dust settles in my blog.

We have all collected wisdom throughout our lives and we can gain access to it through the act of writing. Cicero said, "Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself."

Homework: Do any or all, or be inspired. (If your real life is too real right now, be your own private tutor and do an assignment in your head.)

~Search through the drawer in your heart. Are there memories that shaped your self image? Write about a time when your feelings were hurt. Why do you think you still remember the incident? How does that help you understand yourself better?

~Describe yourself from a friend's point of view. Does she know the real you? Do you want her to?

~As a trusted mentor, write a letter advising yourself what to do about a current situation in your life. Prompt: "Dear Friend, I know you're worried about ____. Knowing you like I do, I'm sure you feel____, but I trust your instincts. You seem so____."

"At 20, we worry about what others think of us;

at 40, we don't care what they think of us;
at 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."
—Bob Hope

*If you do any part of this assignment on your blog, link it back to TravelinOma. And please leave a comment here with a link to your blog as part of our class discussion. I'll be keeping track, and spot checking your work, giving points for participation. You can grade your own work, based on your individual progress. (A for Accomplishment, B for Basic Effort, C for Class Comments, D for thinking this post is Dumb, and F for Failure to Communicate.)