I'm toying with the idea that I may not always be right. Don't quote me on it; it's still just hovering on the edge of my mind. It's always been a comfortable "given." After all, I was raised by a man who was always right and I assumed I'd recieve the mantle directly from him. (It was awkward when he was alive because there were several years when I thought I had the inheritance already, and he still thought it was his.) Anyway, it seems like it would be very relaxing to allow other people to be right, too. Dee says it isn't always a case of right or wrong, people can just be different. That's been a hard concept for me to understand. The reason I bring this up is because it's becoming more difficult to carry on a multitude of debates in my mind with people who will never hear my opinion or be changed by it.
I was listening to the radio this morning and I was asked to give money to "Shop with a Cop." I know it would be generous, but I'm not going to do it. So I started explaining in my mind why I couldn't possibly donate to Shop with a Cop. Immediately afterwards there was a plea for my loose change for "Quarters for Christmas." I hadn't even finished listing my Shop with a Cop arguments and here I had to defend myself about not sending quarters for little barefoot children! Don't these people get it? I can't do it all! Without even an advertisement inbetween, a voice came on asking for donations to the food bank. I couldn't keep my excuses straight! Then I remembered I was on my way to drop off some stuff at DI. I'll be tending grandkids this week, and after all I am counseling the world through my blog....maybe what I do is fine, and I don't have to defend it. And maybe what the cops do is fine, too. Maybe they aren't going to DI, maybe the food bank people don't have any grandchildren to tend...maybe we can be different in the ways we contribute. Duh.
I think my tendency to criticize other ways of doing things might be because I'm insecure about how I do things and want to defend myself. For lots of years my job description included telling little people what was right ("You can't just stir the water. You have to actually get in and take a bath." "It isn't nice to throw rocks at the policeman's window while he's asleep." "You can't wear your pink tu-tu to church.") Is it possible that time of my life is over? Should I allow others to just do their best in their own way? (As I said, this isn't a committment on my part yet.)
A couple of sisters in our ward have told me that they don't want Visiting Teachers. It occurred to me that Jesus says he "Stands at the door and knocks." He doesn't barge in. I'm thinking that I barge in with the "Right Way", if only in the debates I carry on in my mind. It's been pretty challenging trying to run the world. It would be alot easier to just live my life, wouldn't it? I'm just toying with that idea.