Character Study

"So tell me about yourself."

I'm interviewing the characters in my book. It's pretty fun because I'm on both sides of the microphone. After the preliminaries (name, birthday, what do you look like) I get personal. Here's a sample of my questions:

1. What do you smell like? Horse sweat? BO? Evening in Paris?
   
2. How do you spend your money? Are you thrifty, cheap, generous, or impulsive?
3. By the way, how much money do you have? Did you earn it, inherit it, steal it, find it?
4. What do you really think of your mother-in-law? Your best friend? Your boss?
5. Are you having an affair? Should I mention it to anyone?
   
6. What is a normal day like for you?

Then I give them a list of personality traits to check off. Are you:

1. Absent-minded
2. Abrasive
3. Annoying
4. Busy
5. Critical
6. Decisive
7. Dowdy
   
8. Fidgety
9. Impulsive
10. Insolent
11. Jealous
12. Moody
13. Naive
14. Obscene
15. Paranoid
16. Rebellious
17. Resiliant
18. Sarcastic
19. Serene
20. Self-righteous
21. Vain
    
22. Wholesome
23. Wicked
24. Worldly
25. Zany

Throughout the interview I analyze their complexion, the color of their teeth, the rumbles from their stomach, and the hairs on their chin. Are they boring, fascinating, colorful?

The final question is, "What is your problem?" And then, like smart people everywhere, they always follow my advice!

What a great bunch of characters.

Now it's your turn:

• Choose three numbers between one and six.
• Go back to the list of personality traits and see what you've picked.
• In a short paragraph describe a person with those traits, without using those words.