Chloe, Ashley, Jessica, 2008I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor,
I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor,
I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor
And I don't like it very much.
Oh no, (oh no) he swallowed my toe (he swallowed my toe)
Oh gee, he's up to my knee,
Oh fiddle, he's reached my middle,
Oh heck, he's up to my neck!
Oh dread, (oh dread) he swallowed my . . . slurp.
The girlies left a bit of sunshine at a rest home today. This song brought the house down. OK, actually the house was just one room, and one of the two patients ("I think technically they're called roommates" said Chloe) has had a stroke and didn't say much. But Aunt Marie gave them a standing ovation (although technically, she was laying down.)
They performed "Once upon a time, in a nursery rhyme, there were three bears. Cha—cha." and said all the right things: "Were you really the star of a play?" "We already know you were Grampa Jigg's baby sister." Having learned technique from Marie herself, I had coached the girls on enunciating, talking slow and loud, and answering with more than one word. On the way home Chloe said, "I was almost laughing because she asked all the questions we practiced!" It's hard for them to believe I was once the little girl singing "You are my sunshine" to standing ovations at Grama's house, accompanied by Aunt Marie's ukulele. It's fun to skip through generations, holding the hands of grands on either side.
The girls weren't weaving sunshine all day, however. This morning they were huffing in each other's faces, describing the smell of bad breath. "You stink like dried throw-up." "Did you swallow a poopy diaper?" I tried to change the subject, but it kept creeping in to the conversation.
After the rest home (where the bathroom had a Pine Sol tang, and we decided we didn't need it after all) there was an emergency need for a potty stop. Seven-Eleven was handy. I think we may have drifted into a bodega on the set of Law and Order, the kind of place that the audience knows will soon be the scene of a murder. It was pretty scary.
At first we couldn't find the bathroom, and nobody seemed to speak English to give us directions. We wandered toward what seemed to be the back of the refrigerator. A man in a turban, unloading cases of beer, pointed us to a locked door next to a wall of water pipes. The key was at the cash register.
Jess and Chloe were dancing frantically, holding it (figuratively and literally) while the clerk searched for the key. Ashley had darted towards the slurpee machine, and was trying to fill her cup with blueberry slush. She is a child who gets what she wants, and her sisters understand, so they waited while she painstakingly picked the right straw and lid, and then we made the ten-yard dash, blueberries slushing onto the already sticky floor.
"This place stinks!" "Somebody should clean this toilet!" "What is that?" Luckily, I had to stand guard outside the bathroom and protect Ashley, so I didn't get as up close and personal as the girls did. Everybody could hear their review of the place—it's too bad nobody could understand. "THERE'S NO SOAP!"
We'd come full circle. After they were all showered and disinfected, the smell of strawberry shampoo and toothpaste filled the kitchen along with their silly giggles. "Your breath smells like candy canes." Homework, stories, prayers, excuses, and finally—bedtime. My back aches and my legs are tired, but my heart is warm. There's sunshine on my shoulders.
Chloe May
They performed "Once upon a time, in a nursery rhyme, there were three bears. Cha—cha." and said all the right things: "Were you really the star of a play?" "We already know you were Grampa Jigg's baby sister." Having learned technique from Marie herself, I had coached the girls on enunciating, talking slow and loud, and answering with more than one word. On the way home Chloe said, "I was almost laughing because she asked all the questions we practiced!" It's hard for them to believe I was once the little girl singing "You are my sunshine" to standing ovations at Grama's house, accompanied by Aunt Marie's ukulele. It's fun to skip through generations, holding the hands of grands on either side.
The girls weren't weaving sunshine all day, however. This morning they were huffing in each other's faces, describing the smell of bad breath. "You stink like dried throw-up." "Did you swallow a poopy diaper?" I tried to change the subject, but it kept creeping in to the conversation.
After the rest home (where the bathroom had a Pine Sol tang, and we decided we didn't need it after all) there was an emergency need for a potty stop. Seven-Eleven was handy. I think we may have drifted into a bodega on the set of Law and Order, the kind of place that the audience knows will soon be the scene of a murder. It was pretty scary.
At first we couldn't find the bathroom, and nobody seemed to speak English to give us directions. We wandered toward what seemed to be the back of the refrigerator. A man in a turban, unloading cases of beer, pointed us to a locked door next to a wall of water pipes. The key was at the cash register.
Jess and Chloe were dancing frantically, holding it (figuratively and literally) while the clerk searched for the key. Ashley had darted towards the slurpee machine, and was trying to fill her cup with blueberry slush. She is a child who gets what she wants, and her sisters understand, so they waited while she painstakingly picked the right straw and lid, and then we made the ten-yard dash, blueberries slushing onto the already sticky floor.
"This place stinks!" "Somebody should clean this toilet!" "What is that?" Luckily, I had to stand guard outside the bathroom and protect Ashley, so I didn't get as up close and personal as the girls did. Everybody could hear their review of the place—it's too bad nobody could understand. "THERE'S NO SOAP!"
We'd come full circle. After they were all showered and disinfected, the smell of strawberry shampoo and toothpaste filled the kitchen along with their silly giggles. "Your breath smells like candy canes." Homework, stories, prayers, excuses, and finally—bedtime. My back aches and my legs are tired, but my heart is warm. There's sunshine on my shoulders.
Chloe May
I'm tired just reading about your adventures. Bet the girlies are having a blast!
ReplyDeleteI had Bad Breath for years but didn’t even know it. I noticed people near me would rub their noses sneeze cough and try to go elsewhere. It occurred to me that I had bad breath. So I went to my dentist to have my teeth cleaned but when I asked about my bad breath he said floss brush and rinse twice a day. I said I’ve been doing that since I was 15! But my dentist had run out of time so I was back on the street. Then I was paying top dollar for all those will “stop Bad Breath” all you have to do is buy all these products for the rest of your life! And they don’t even work ffs. One of my few remaining friends mentioned an eBook his girlfriend used called BadHalitosisBreathCom from OralTech Labs and said it worked for his girlfriend so why not me? So I downloaded a copy and found out the book had been around for years! I could have fixed my Bad Breath years ago. The eBook took a completely different approach to the cure of Bad Breath I followed it word for word. Within a week I could tell it was working and my friend said my breath is much better. Now a year later I have a good job a great girlfriend and Party every other weekend.
ReplyDeleteHow fun!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am SOOO glad you got this lengthy comment from the bad breath guy. Please forward it to all members of the cousins club.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are making lots of memories!
What a glorious legacy to have this all recorded. I have lived the bad breath conversation now in 3 generations - me and my siblings, my children, and my lovely grandchildren, who feel free to sniff at people and tell them "something stinks." Never a dull moment!
ReplyDeleteI'm actually glad for the bad breath comment left here. I'm going to do some research on it myself.
I'm glad it stopped at bad breath and didn't escalate onto the subject of other "poor smells."
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you took them to see Marie. I remember dancing along to her singing and playing ukelele as a kid too!
Give the girlies hugs from us!
sounds like you are having a wonderful time! You will be Marie's fav forever. Jake's been knocked off the charts. maybe we can go to an spa where they work on sore backs when you finish up your tour of duty (i mean your fun oma time)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I'm giving my husband the idea that his wife is a bit bi-polar when I read your blog. It seems I'm always crying one minute and laughing hysterically the next.
ReplyDeleteIn my narcissistic mind, I'm surprised that you know the 'three bears Cha-cha' song. It's one of my favorites. And your Law & Order/7-11 parallel is truly, truly amazing.
Keep making those memories. You can rest when you're home. :)